Are you "Lucas"?

The handcuff between the oppressors and the oppressed is cemented in fear. That is, the ‘bond’ exists for as long as the oppressors are allowed, by the oppressed, to instill fear and guilt in them; and the oppressed need their protection from hostile forces. The oppressor can be anyone: a manipulative politician, a self conscious manager, a self righteous teacher, an insecure priest, or your father. This relationship usually begins with your father or an authority figure when you are most vulnerable and malleable. And, it lingers on long after you leave home.

Not all fathers are authoritarian or oppressors. But, for those who are, they only hear their voices. They speak loud and rough. They use their eyes to transmit their messages secretly and threateningly; while they use their hands and arms for making sure that the others got their messages. So much for a meeting of minds and hearts. Dialogue is a threat to the rule of the oppressors. Monologue is safe.

As a result, you are taught their meaning of ‘strength’ and ‘weakness’.

If you are ‘strong’, then you enjoy the right to impose your will on the others. Identify yourself with the oppressors in your life. But, if you’re the opposite, that is, too weak to impose your will on the others, then keep your lip sealed tight, and abide by the rules.

Can Lucas free himself from this behavioral pattern, this web of destructive beliefs? Does he have the courage to search for the key to release himself from the handcuffs?

Are you Lucas? Are you Lucas to yourself? To your child? To your friend?


(‘Lucas’ was first mentioned in What glitters is not necessarily gold: The Golden Rule)

What glitters is not necessarily gold: The Golden Rule

I thought that the golden rule was simple and straightforward and anybody, who read these words, would know what the rule meant. Following it was a different story. Or, perhaps, it was not a different story. If people who understood the golden rule still got them wrong, then either they didn’t really understand the message, or that they showed no care for it.

At any rate, I took the message for granted and believed that the message was as easy as A, B, C. But I was wrong. Misunderstanding was prevalent.

For instance, someone - let’s name him Lucas - had told me that the golden rule applied only to his circle of family and friends. It did not count for those outside the circle. These outsiders, he argued, must first prove their worth to him. Their actions, however good or bad, were to determine his reactions towards the outsiders.

The golden rule states “Do unto others as you want others to do unto you.” This rule, Lucas says, applies to his circle of family and friends, but not to outsiders. Yet, he turned the rule on its head by arguing that: “Since they are outsiders, he treats them with suspicion (or unfriendliness). He expects that they would also treat him with suspicion. Hence, “since I treat the other with suspicion, I wouldn’t mind being treated with suspicion, for I would expect him to do so just as I would to him”.

"So, says Lucas, "If the other treats me unfairly, then I will treat him unfairly many times over. On the other hand, if he treats me with kindness, then I will render my kindness to him many times over".

This is how he understands the golden rule. He’s not the only one with that mindset. In fact, there are many of them. How do you understand the golden rule? Are you with him?

Imagination and Morality

Read a book, listen to a story that someone’s telling, watch a movie, and if they’re any good, you’d be moved to tears, inspired, touched, angry; and you want to do something to make a change for the better. This is what a story does to you. But, it also appeals to your imagination. It is the only faculty, not reason, that allows you to enter the world of another human being. Story telling and imagination are powerful combination. Without a story, moreso, without the ability to imagine, life would be meaningless, unconnected dots of facts. Want to know what it’s like? Just look at any statistics or a resume of someone who’s looking for a job. You don’t feel a thing. You are detached - a high wall that bars you from seeing people other than statistics on a graph.

Imagination opens you up to a world that isn’t yours. Imagination allows you hear not just their stories, but their heartbreak, their sorrows, their joys. I had just finished reading a news about a 9 year old girl, murdered by a family friend. It is awful to die during Christmas season only because it is the time - I want to believe - when no crime is committed. I turned the page. Her death was just another news amongst countless news unrelated to me, my life. Imagination could have made the death of a beautiful child my own story if I chose to weave a story out of it.

Moral values are like news. We all know that ‘Do unto others as you want others to do unto you’ makes sense only if we are a victim of injustice. The golden rule applies when I am involved, when I feel that I have been wronged.

We are taught the golden rule. But, we have all taken it to apply to ourselves and not to the others.

We are taught that the golden rule and other ethical codes are the principles of reason, not of emotion. So, the teaching of the golden rule and other ethical codes are treated in the same way science and mathematics are presented.

But, this is very wrong.

Moral codes are emotion based that are best presented to the imagination by way of a story. If we were taught this way, then we would be receptive to the world of other persons. Only then will we be able to see ourselves in the light of their stories. Moral teachings/stories aren't just about ways of fulfilling one’s happiness. They are there for us to reach out to the other, to go beyond our limited and limiting perception, bias and prejudice. And, only then are we able to correct ourselves and follow the golden rule and other ethical codes - for it matters not to us, but to them as well.