STAND UP!

“Jimmy?” said Grace

“Yes?” I said

“Brian’s feeling depressed.”

“What do you mean, depressed?”

“He failed the accounting exam”

Without saying a word, I went straight to his room. There he was, slumped in his chair. Brian looked up at me.

“Dad, I am so sorry. I let you down.”

Just as he was about to cry, I locked his eyes with mine, with such intensity that he couldn’t resist.

“You were never lucky. You were never meant to be lucky.”

He was shocked to hear those words for they were not words of consolation. He wanted what I would not give him. For that, I became defiant and determined to bring up his spirit.

I continued, “Understand that. You are the type who has to work hard to be fortunate. I know you. Those are not failures. They are shortcomings. You will always go through a pattern. Shortcomings, frustration, anger, pity.”

I straightened my back.

“Get up from that seat! Get up at this instant!”

He got up.

“I said, get up! Get up with dignity. Stand tall. Get up with the confidence to face the test. You have gone through this before. Get up! You will succeed. But you will have to go through a series of shortcomings. That is your fate. That is your pattern. You will succeed.  I don’t believe so. I know so. You are my son.  I have observed you from the time you were born, the time when you wanted something and you succeeded in getting it. You have the character, the determination. Never ever use the word ‘failure’. You have never failed because you never stopped trying. Failure is when you stop trying, when you give up. That was never you. Not getting what you want is a shortcoming. That’s how you work. That’s how you move closer to getting what you want, what you want to be.

I know you are hurting now. That’s good. It means you want it so bad. It means you will get it. You will get it.”

His chest raised, his back straightened.

His face relieved, regaining the determination he had momentarily lost.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. He got his consolation. At the right time.

“Thanks, Dad”, Brian said

I left his room with a smile.

I remembered him. I remembered the lessons he had taught me a long time ago.

“Thanks, Dad”

It's about Be-ing

It must have been when Chris was in his teens. He came up to me, and in a soft voice, he asked,

“Do you want me to be like you and mom?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean, do I have to have a profession that society approves of?”

“Well, don’t put me with rest of the guys. I became a philosophy teacher and Papa and Mama weren’t so happy about my decision. Papa was silent. But, Mama kept on reminding me that I could still be a lawyer.”

“Yeah, Dad, that’s what I mean. Do I have to be like your brothers, a lawyer, a doctor?”

I was the last person to tell anyone to be that, although I have nothing against those who chose the kind of professions that society approves of.

I usually don’t like looking at anyone in the eyes. But, when it is called for, as in this case, I can gaze at anyone, as if to say, “Listen, for I am about to tell you something very serious. So, I looked into Chris’ eyes and spoke the words that have, I believe, an everlasting influence not only him, but also on his siblings. I said,

“Never try to be what you don’t want to be. Never be like anyone, just to get society’s approval or your parents’ approval. But, there’s one thing that I demand of you, and your brother and sister, I want you to be like me and your Mom. I want you to always learn your craft. I want you to develop self esteem, self determination, self-discipline, self confidence. I want you to continuously develop values that you will need when I am gone. Yes, don’t be a professor, or a lawyer, or a doctor, or an accountant, or an engineer. Be the best that you can be in whatever you choose to be. It’s not about having a title. It’s’ about being the best that you can be.”

Since then, Chris continuously yearns to gain knowledge about his interests. He has gone farther than any yoga instructor that he has come across. He’s become a chef that many senior chefs can be proud of. He has even gone farther than I did in understanding Indian philosophy.

This is not about being a yoga instructor or a chef or a great reader of a  particular philosophy. It’s about realizing one’s potentials and developing them as much as one can. Happiness, Aristotle once said, is the actualization of one potentials. In one word: self-actualization.